How your church can help those who struggle with porn or sex addiction

How your church can help those 
who struggle with porn or sex addiction
by Mike Genung
     

  In his Insight for Living website, Chuck Swindoll published an open letter addressing the need for the church to address the problem of porn in the church.
The following is an excerpt from his letter:
 
       "...The most recent studies available suggest that 1 out of every 2 people-that's 50% of the people sitting in our pews, are looking at and/or could be addicted to Internet pornography. The struggle is going on among those who volunteer in your church and mine. Chances are good that some of our full-time staff members, even some who faithfully serve on our boards, may be losing this secret battle. And while I'm listing these possibilities, let's not overlook our young adults-married and single-who provide instruction among our junior and senior high youth. Truth be told, that statistic could be even higher.
       ...Stop and imagine the ugly but very real possibility of some of your own elders and deacons leaving your meetings and going home to surf porn. Think about youth leaders viewing it one minute, and leading a small group with your kids thirty minutes later. It's ruining marriages, destroying relationships, harming youth, and hurting the body of Christ. You hardly need to be reminded that fallen pastors and priests did not "suddenly" fall. More often than not, pornography played a role in their downward spiral.
       My friend, it's time to do something about it. In fact, we need to start today. Making a difference requires action... our churches are in trouble. This is no time to simply wait and pray. Please join me in this battle for our young minds, our marriages, our leaders, and our churches."

You can read the full text of Chuck Swindoll's letter here.

       Chuck isn't overstating the fact that there are marriages and families at risk. At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said that the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago.  

              I know, some of you are thinking "aww, you're overreacting, we don't have a problem with porn in our church, there's no way half of the men here have a problem with this."  You aren't the only one who's thought this.

       Ted Roberts, a pastor who’s ministered to many caught in the bondage of sexual addiction, tells the following story in his book Pure Desire:
      
       “I was speaking in the Bible Belt not too long ago. When I asked the gracious pastor what he wanted me to share about during the weekend service, he said, “Just tell them about the great work God is doing at your church.”
       I said, “I would love to do that, but I will end up talking about real life – about the bondage, addiction and trauma that so many people are struggling with today. And I will challenge them to open up these areas of their lives to God so He can heal them and set them free.”
       The expression on his face changed a bit and he commented, “Well, I don’t think we have a lot of folks dealing with the depth of issues that you’re talking about. This isn’t just the Bible belt part of the country. We call it the buckle of the Bible Belt.”
       But that pastor gave me the green light, so I didn’t pull any punches. Then, at the end of the service, I gave an altar call for people struggling with sexual issues. No one moved at first. Then the dam broke, and they lined up three to four deep at the altar…”

       As Chuck wrote, we need to take action now. Ted Roberts preaches openly about the problem of porn in his own church at least once a year, and so should your church and mine.  In a recent Christianity Today poll, 44% of churchgoers said they want their pastors to address sexual issues with more frequency. Our churches are crying for clear answers.

Here's a battle plan for dealing with the problem of porn in the church:

1. The topic must be discussed openly before the congregation.

Those who struggle with porn the most live in a protective cocoon of isolation. You can address sex addiction at a men's retreat or seminar, but realize there are many lone stranger Christians in your congregation who aren't comfortable rubbing shoulders with other men, and they'll have a hard time showing up for a "let's talk about porn" event. These broken ones need to hear your message of truth and hope the most, and you won't reach them unless you address it on a Sunday morning. Those who struggle with sex addiction carry an immense weight of shame that drives them away from others, so you need to speak to them where they are.

2. On a Sunday morning, tell them how to deal with sexual sin.

Your message of hope should provide concrete answers and direction, not just tell them "it's wrong and don't do it." We need to tell the body of Christ how not to sin.

First, expose the 2 myths of “I’m the only one” and “it’s not hurting anyone else.” Because sexual sin is so rarely discussed, most guys assume they are the "only one" struggling with porn. Show them they’re not alone (at least half the men in church have an issue with lust; we have plenty of statistics you can use) and that there is hope. You can debunk the "it's not hurting anyone" lie with material here.

Then, hold up the one true standard of sexual purity, which is Matthew 5:27. In a poll George Barna took November of 2003, 38% of adults said it is morally acceptable to look at images of nudity of sexually explicit behavior. Some will be justifying their sin  as we mentioned in it's just a little porn and you need to help them understand the devastating consequences of sexual sin.

And most importantly, point the way out by:
1. Drawing the connection between isolation and lust. Describe the blessing of living the James 5:16 life as we've described in What to do.
2. Telling them how to "remove the stumbling blocks" (Matthew 5:29-30), which is covered in What to do.
3. Showing them how to fight the war in the mind.
4. Pointing them to Who they were searching for in lust - the Living God. Encourage them to seek His face.

And then -  Give them a safe place to go.