I Still Fight for Him (One Wife's Story)

I Still Fight for Him  

By Robin W.

excerpt from Blazing Grace Newsletter March 2006 (www.blazinggrace.org/NL0306.htm)

I first sought help from a pastor during one of our separations. He encouraged me to “just keep praying.” I called a second pastor, who said, “most of the time these issues are related to problems from a man’s lack of relationship with his father.” He promised to call me back to make an appointment, but never returned my calls. I tried a third pastor, who said, “Men need a lot of boosts to their ego, a lot of strokes; that’s just the way we’re made.” I went away with the feeling that he agreed with my husband; that I couldn’t measure up to the task of satisfy my husband’s needs. I did find some help for myself in personal counseling. My husband wasn’t ready to confront the real issues, and he only attended a few times.

I was crying out to God daily with all of my heart for my husband to be delivered from bondage, and for His help for the part I was playing in creating the problems in my marriage.

As an almost last ditch effort, we spoke with a new pastor at our church. Three days later, my husband left again, and I found myself back in this pastor’s office where I finally confessed that I believed my husband was struggling with pornography. He told me that my husband never once looked him in the eye during the appointment earlier that week, and said, “You can probably expect to see your husband’s life go downhill now. He might even move someone else in with him. He will most likely give in to the sinful life style in which he has become involved.”

There were no offers of help or suggestions for seeking help for the restoration of my marriage; this is one of the most hurtful things I experienced in my years of seeking a solution. When I was a young girl, I saw my father get saved and walk the aisle of the church, after many years of living a life in the world and addicted to gambling. I believed someone would recognize my husband’s need for help and come alongside us in the church and provide the support we needed, but was very disappointed to find the church was neither prepared nor ready to meet this challenge.      

Robin’s new website is www.loveyoursister.com.