More on Pornography Addiction
The following material is provided to help those counseling addicts or to help those addicted to understand what they are facing.
A Two-Part Definition of Addiction:
- Anything (good or bad) that I use badly to meet a good need instead of God
- This use has reached the point where I can't stop even though I want to and/or it no longer works
A Sex Addict’s Core Beliefs
- I am basically a bad, unworthy person
- No one would love me if they really knew me.
- My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.
- Sex is my most important need; if I don’t act out, I’ll die.
The insidious, self-perpetuating nature of addiction can be seen in these core beliefs.
Beliefs 1 and 2 feed the need to hide, the fear of being honest and known. Belief 3 further supports secrecy because it convinces the addict that others (including God) cannot help. The last belief makes the addiction seem to be the only way for one's needs to be met, making its continuation imperative.
In this belief system, there is no exit ramp!
Basic Human Needs and How Porn “Meets” Them
All humans have two basic relational needs:
- to worship (someone or something greater than oneself)
- to not be alone (to be connected to other humans)
Pornography use seems to meet these two needs. Repeated viewing of porn can become a form of worship - worship of the objects of desire, the sexual acts, the pleasure derived. Like in religious ritual worship, the addict is willing to make great sacrifices (of time, money, relationships, reputation, integrity) in devotion to this "god". Secondly, pornography use allows for the illusion of connection; one can pretend to be intimate with idealized objects of desire without the complications and true intimacy of authentic flesh and blood relationships.
Internet Porn: the Perfect Drug Delivery System
Experts have called internet pornography one of the most addictive substances ever known to humankind. This is largely because of the 3 A's that describe it: Accessible, Affordable, Anonymous. The combination of these three characteristics make internet pornograhpy easy to start and easy to hide. Because the amount and variety of internet porn is so great, it is hard to stop.
